Stupid People
by andstuff
Summary: Grawp x Ron, Ron x Pigwidgeon. Really funny! Plz review
1. No title

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my meager collection of Harry Potter books!! So sad!!! NOT. IF YOU CANNOT DEAL WITH EVERYONE BEING STUPID, DO NOT READ!  
  
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Hagrid: Now, Ermione an' Ron. Time ter take yers to see Grawpy.  
  
WARNING: EVERYONE IS INSANE!! GRAWP X RON, RON X PIGWIDGEON!  
  
Hermione: What about Harry? Ron: He has the chicken pox remember? And Madame Pomfrey is in the Bahamas so he's gonna suffer.  
  
Hagrid: Well, er anyways *leads Ron and Hermione to Grawp*  
  
Grawp: HAGGY! *hugs Hagrid*  
  
Hagrid: I'd like yer ta meet some friends: Ron and Hermione *points to Ron and Hermione*  
  
Grawp: RON! *starts licking Ron's cheek*  
  
Hagrid: Tha' means he wants yer ta be his mate.  
  
Hermione: WHAT?! NOOOO!  
  
Hagrid: NO! Shhh! The only way ta make Grawpy happy is to git rid of his bride!  
  
Hermione: Ron?  
  
Hagrid: Yeah.  
  
Hermione: I have a plan. We'll use......................................................................... ..... ............................................................................ .................................................... CHOCOLATE! MUAHAHAHAHHAHA!  
  
Hagrid: and cocoa!! Muahahah!  
  
Crabbe: *appears out of nowhere* Well, technically, Ron's greatest fear is spiders so you should use that to scare the living hell out of him.  
  
Hermione: Honestly, chocolate is better!  
  
Hagrid: Where will we git it?  
  
Hermione: I'll think about it during dinner.  
  
During dinner..............  
  
Hermione: This chocolate cake is delicious! And the chocolate pudding is great! Mmm, such wonderful Honeyduke's chocolate. Wait a second, I shouldn't be pigging out!! I have to find out how to get chocolate!  
  
Malfoy: *appears out of nowhere* Hey, Hermione, got any shaving cream? I got this new razor! It gives me an urge to shave my tongue!  
  
Crabbe: You don't have hair on your tongue. What makes you think this will work?  
  
Malfoy: YES!! *puts razor on tongue*  
  
Crabbe: Moron. If Goyle didn't already pass his NEWTs, he'd be here to help me put a muzzle on Malfoy.  
  
Hermione: Oh wait, there's chocolate for dinner! I must make a plot on how I can steal it and go unnoticed.   
  
Dumbledore: BEER! WINE!! ALCOHOL! *drinks a lot of beer*  
  
Hermione: Dumbledore knows what I am up to! NOOO! *jumps out of window*  
  
Dumbledore: HOLD ON LITTLE GIRL!! I'LL SAVE YOU!! *jumps out of window as a desperate attempt to save Hermione*  
  
Ron: *to Pigwidgeon* You, me, Saturday night. *winks*  
  
Pigwidgeon: *confused _expression* Hoot hoot.  
  
Grawp: *appears out of nowhere* *angry _expression*  
  
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I know, everyone is stupid and out of character. If you are the type of insane person like me who enjoys stupidity, continue reading. There's more stupidity where that came from. BUT IF YOU ARE OFFENDED EASILY BY GUY X GUY OR STUPIDITY, DO NOT READ THIS!!! 


	2. Voldemortandpinkflowers meansdyingHarry

This chapter MAKES VOLDEMORT VERY STUPID AND HARRY VERY PATHETIC! IF THIS OFFENDS YOU DO NOT READ! BEWARE! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Oh yeah, I don't own anything but toothpaste!   
  
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Harry: Ugh,*scratches self* I wish Madame Pomfrey was here.  
  
Voldemort: She's not and I'm in her place! MUAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Harry: Dumbledore hired you?  
  
Voldemort: He was drunk  
  
Harry: Figures. *scratches self again*  
  
Voldemort: Since no one is here to protect you, I WILL KILL YOU! *takes out pink flower and cotton candy* Avada Kedavra! *pink teddy bear appears on Harry's head* Um,  
  
Harry: NOO! HELP! DUMBLEDORE! THE PINK BEAR! IT BURNS!  
  
Voldemort: *laughs maniacally* *takes out more cotton candy* HAHA! Avada Kedavra! *eats cotton candy* NO! It burns! This candy is hot sauce flavored! DUMBLEDORE! HELP! MOMMY!! WAAAAAAA!  
  
Dumbledore: *singing offkey* Twinkle, twinkle little star!  
  
Voldemort: Help me mommy!  
  
Dumbledore: I know just the song to cheer you up! I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME! LET'S MAKE A HAPPY FAMILY, WITH I GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS ON MY BUTT! I LOVE YOU SO YOU MUST POOP!  
  
Voldemort and Harry: NOOO!! IT BURNS!!! WAAA! MOMMY! MAKE IT STOP!! HELP! HELP!   
  
Madame Pomfrey: *appears out of nowhere* *beats up Dumbledore*  
  
Voldmort and Harry: YAY! WE ARE SAVED! THANK YOU!  
  
Madame Pomfrey: No problem. Now who wants to sing with me. *singing offkey* I love you, you love me, let's make a happy family with a great big hug and a kiss on the cheek! I love you and you love me!  
  
Voldemort and Harry: NOOO! IT BURNS!!!!   
  
Voldemort: I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!! ARGH! *jumps out of window*  
  
Harry: Wait for me!!! *also jumps out of window*  
  
Madame Pomfrey: *shrugs* what's with them?  
  
Dumbledore: I don't know. HAHAHA!  
  
Madame Pomfrey: Have you been drinking again?  
  
Dumbledore: no *mischievous grin*  
  
Madame Pomfrey: oh well, let's sing  
  
Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore: I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME WE ARE SUCH A GOOD FAMILY!  
  
Dumbledore's ex girlfriend:*slaps Madame Pomfrey*  
  
Monsier Pomfrey:*slaps Dumbledore*  
  
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yeah, that was stupid. I made everyone insane. 


	3. Swan Lake starring an angry Snape

This chapter portrays Snape as a soul who has encountered ballet and ballet ruined his life. I know, very pathetic.  
  
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Ron: Damn, double potions today!  
  
Snape: *clears throat* excuse me Weasley but why do you hate potions?  
  
Ron: *thinks Snape is Hermione* Well, Hermione, you know I hate potions because Snape has to me such a git and make us watch him do ballet.  
  
Snape: THAT'S IT!! 50 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR AND YOU GET DETENTION FOR A MONTH!!! MY BALLET IS BEAUTIFUL! I SUFFER FOR MY ART UNLIKE YOU!!!  
  
Ron: hehe, I was just joking?  
  
Snape: Now class, today we will be watching me perform: the Swan Lake. You're hw is to write about how brilliant I am! *walks up to stage and trips on stairs*  
  
Hermione: BRAVO!! That was brilliant!!! *taking notes furiously* Ron: Wow!! Cool!  
  
Malfoy: *looks up from his shaving* Professor Snape, you're brilliant!!  
  
Snape: *onstage* *barney song starts playing* Now watch me dance!! Dance I say! *starts dancing* *trips on ballet shoes and hits head on floor* *stands up* *dances again* *falls offstage*  
  
Malfoy: Professor Snape!!! *holds arms out and tries to catch Snape* (Too bad Malfoy's sitting in the last row and Snape is up front)  
  
Snape: Argh! *breaks arm*  
  
Malfoy: Professor!!!!! Oh well. *continues shaving* Madame Pomfrey: Snape!! What have I told you! Did you take your pills today?  
  
Snape: Um, yes?  
  
Madame Pomfrey: WRONG ANSWER! What am I going to do with you?   
  
Dumbledore: I know, let's take his skin and make a jacket for me!  
  
Hermione: BRILLIANT PROFESSOR! *clapping furiously*  
  
Ron: Wow, he's so cool!  
  
Hermione: I know right?  
  
Snape: *gets up* *trips* ow.  
  
Harry and Voldemort: *appears out of nowhere swinging on a vine* Have no fear! We are here!  
  
Voldemort: Serverus?  
  
Snape: Riddle?  
  
Voldemort: *blushes* Don't call me that in public!  
  
Snape: My teacher! I HATE YOU! YOU SAID BALLET WOULD MAKE MY LIFE BETTER BUT ALL IT DID WAS MAKE MY LIFE WORSE! YOU ARE THE WORSE TEACHER IN THE WORLD!  
  
Voldemort: How dare you insult your own teacher! And ballet is wonderful! It's better than magic! You disrespect me! Now I will kill you!! *takes out pink flower and cotton candy* Avada Kedav-  
  
Dumbledore: NOOO! STOP!! *takes out wine* You must drink wine with me first!  
  
Everyone: *drinks wine* *gets drunk* *starts killing each other* *falls asleep*  
  
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What do you think? Stupid? Hate it? Good? Well send me your reviews! 


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